The Bottomless Pit who I call ‘my son’
I can clearly remember when my brother was 16 and we had to feed him. It was never fair since he could eat an insane amount of food and never gain weight. At 6 foot 5 he could really pack it away.
For example, we once drove to the Domino’s pizza he worked at for ‘The Acne Special’. It was pepperoni, cheese, bacon, pepperoni, cheese, bacon, and more pepperoni. One slice weighed about a 1/2 pound and you can actually feel your life slipping away as you ate a single slice…but it was good!
On the way to pick up the death bomb aka ‘The Acne Special’ we had to stop off at McDonalds for a Big Mac (this was before the requisite combo meals). Then once we stopped by Dominos we had to pickup KFC on the way home ‘because he was so hungry’. So a Big Mac, a KFC meal, then and only then a whole pizza (I was allowed a single slice).
The kids mom was 5’11 before she passed away and I am 6’1″. My son has always been about 2 inches above the growth charts and could eat like it too.
One year we made the mistake of taking my son to his favorite restaurant Texas Roadhouse for prime rib. I ordered a kids meal for my son and the largest prime rib order we could for my ex and I to share. While waiting my son at 2 order of the rolls (8 rolls). Then the prime rib came and he wanted that instead.
Fearing the feeding frenzy that is my son, we quickly split the prime rib in half and began to aggressively cut as quickly as possible as Chase litteraly shoved food down his throat as quickly as possible.
Soon, I was able to have my single bite before my son, finishing the 20 oz prime rib, began to devour his own kids meal…after 8 rolls and butter.
I think back on those days fondly as his speed of eating has only increased, and the amount of food he consumes (read: inhales) increases. If I could go back to that day 6 years ago, I would have fed my TWO YEAR OLD SON less prime rib.
Yes, he at 20ozs of prime rib, 8 rolls, and a kids meal on his 2nd birthday.
Most people have a college fund. I do not, I have a teenage feeding fund.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, the little fucker is as skinny as can be. So. Not. Fair.
