“You’re not selling this parenting thing very well”

So I love being a dad. It really is my life calling. It’s fun, it’s fantastic, it’s tiring, gawd how I really miss sleep….

One day the topic of ‘What exactly did you son eat for dinner?’ was in full swing as I told the tales of my son and his legendary eating skills (seriously, this kid has competitive eater written all over his future) when a lady who doesn’t have kids said something very profound.

“Wow, you really aren’t selling this parenting thing very well. You make me think it might be better to be kidless”.

Of course I didn’t miss a beat and told her the truth. “I’m not trying to sell anyone on having a kid. Trust me, it’s fun but definitely not for the faint of heart”.

Then I started to think of all the things that I miss since having kids, such as

Sleep
Eating at nice restaurants
Sleep
Using the restroom alone
Having my own space
Sleep
Watching adult shows (non-kid shows, not to be confused with ‘Adult Shows’ that help create more kids)
Sports cars
Convertibles
Fancy vacations
Clean clothes
A clean house
Money
Sleep
Anything at all that could be ‘mine’ and not taken away
Delicate things
McDonalds (I used to like eating there once or twice a year. Not anymore)
Breakfast that costs less than $25
A clean car
Brown hair (it’s going grey)
Sleep
Nice things
Buying one of anything, not 3 of everything
Floors that are clean
Anything that is clean
Putting a soda in the refrigerator and having it stay there for more than 2 minutes
Putting things on top of the refrigerator without it being instantly more interesting and stolen
Doing only 1 load of laundry a week
Grocery shopping for what I want
Sleep
Restaurants that don’t have kids play areas
Buying less than 3 pairs of shoes per month
and of course sleep

So if anyone asks if you are trying to sell them on having kids, don’t lie, just tell the truth. It’s not for the faint of heart.